A Family Affair......

No, I'm not referring to a great happy family affair where everyone gets together and has a great time with each other, for the holidays or otherwise. I'm referring to genetic predispositions to certain conditions that I've inherited and developed.

First there's the high blood pressure. Granted, my weight and diet doesn't necessarily help, but it runs in my mom's family, and most of them aren't overweight, and eat really healthy diets. So obviously it's a genetic screw-over whether I ate right or not. But my bp is now controlled well with meds, so that's a plus.

Then there's the alcoholism on my dad's side. I am not an alcoholic myself, but my dad has finally reached that level by not only drinking in the middle of the day, but then proceeding to pick my son up from day care.

"Wow, wait....did she just say her dad drove drunk with her son in the car?"

Yup. My 8 month old son. Not to mention the fact that my son's car seat was not properly locked into the base, and was basically just loosely sitting there.

.........

Yeah. Great, isn't it?

Then remember my last post about being pissed at my boyfriend? Well he's at it again. So many things that I don't really want to get into. But I'm worried about him.

And because of all this my depression has come to a head. My panic disorder is has also come to a head, and it's not like I have the sweats and racing heart, but my mind just randomly starts racing and on the inside I'm just completely freaking out about one thing or another. It happens frequently when I forget to do something.....I start thinking about it and then I completely unnecessarily freak out about the fact that I forgot it, and it all happens before I know it. It's like, one minute I'm remembering what I forgot to do, and then the next minute my mind is screaming at me that this is a very very very very bad thing and that it's not ok......even if all I forgot was to shut off a light before I left the house.

And other times, when I'm not freaking out I'm sad. I'm just plain down. And I have no energy or motivation to do anything but lay on the couch and watch tv. Sure, everyone has those times, but I have them all the time.

Then there's times where I just have so much random energy that I'm fucking bouncing off the walls, or times where I just get so freaking irritated at people that I can't stand to be around anyone.

I'm usually at one extreme or another.

And I hate it.

I've been dealing with the diagnosis of depression since I was 13. A panic disorder and possible bipolar disease a little over a year. No one has medically treated me until now. I saw my doctor earlier tonight and she told me that someone really should've treated me before now, especially cuz untreated mental disorders can leave permanent damage in the brain. So now I have a prescription for Prozac, and a referral for a therapist.

Let's hope it works.